# Reinventing Your Life  ## Metadata - Author: [[Jeffrey E. Young, Janet S. Klosko]] - Full Title: Reinventing Your Life - Category: #books - Source: kindle - Last Highlighted: 2024-02-15 04:56:00+00:00 ## Highlights - A lifetrap is a pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life. It began with something that was done to us by our families or by other children. ([Location 215](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=215)) ## New highlights added June 1, 2025 at 6:53 PM - With Vulnerability, you live in fear that disaster is about to strike—whether natural, criminal, medical, or financial. You do not feel safe in the world. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you were made to feel that the world is a dangerous place. You were probably overprotected by your parents, who worried too much about your safety. ([Location 529](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=529)) - with feeling different. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you felt excluded by peers. You did not belong to a group of friends. Perhaps you had some unusual characteristic that made you feel different in some way. ([Location 545](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=545)) - If you have this lifetrap, as a child you felt excluded by peers. You did not belong to a group of friends. Perhaps you had some unusual characteristic that made you feel different in some way. ([Location 545](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=545)) - With Subjugation, you sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing others or meeting their needs. You allow others to control you. You do this either out of guilt—that you hurt other people by putting yourself first—or fear that you will be punished or abandoned if you disobey. ([Location 566](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=566)) - If you are in the Unrelenting Standards lifetrap, you strive relentlessly to meet extremely high expectations of yourself. You place excessive emphasis on status, money, achievement, beauty, order, or recognition at the expense of happiness, pleasure, health, a sense of accomplishment, and satisfying relationships. You probably apply your rigid standards to other people as well and are very judgmental. When you were a child, you were expected to be the best, and you were taught that anything else was failure. You learned that nothing you did was quite good enough. ([Location 572](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=572)) - 2. Your parents were emotionally distant and had high expectations for achievement. ([Location 619](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=619)) - You became enmeshed with a parent. You were expected to act as a substitute spouse. ([Location 621](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=621)) - Your parents overindulged you. They did not set limits. ([Location 624](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=624)) - A child has certain core needs for basic safety, connection to others, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, and realistic limits. ([Location 631](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=631)) - To an infant, feeling safe is absolutely central. It is a matter of life and death. ([Location 641](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=641)) - To develop a sense of connection, we need love, attention, empathy, respect, affection, understanding, and guidance. We need these things from both our family and our peers. ([Location 662](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=662)) - We say there are three types of childhood deprivation: nurturance, empathy, and guidance. Jed was deprived of all three. ([Location 674](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B0776JJ6L8&location=674))